My best friend is gone. The shock has subsided. I’ve accepted it. Now I’m just waiting for the real shock when I realise I haven’t heard his voice in a while, seen his face, when I haven’t exchanged any new Star Trek jokes, when the next “Enterprise” episode airs and I’ll have to watch it alone… that’s when I’m expecting the second wave… now begins the unavoidable aftermath and trying to pick up the pieces. We’ll see how that goes. But for now, the small step has been to accept it and regain some emotional equilibrium (I just threw that one in because my mother complained I couldn’t spell, and that’s a hard word to spell!). Let’s see how it goes to go back to work. I’ve already tried once, didn’t get very far.

And just to make something very clear – the countdown I’ve been having for the past two months have been for the Australian Grand Prix, the opening of the F1 2002 season. As if that has any importance anymore.

My best friend is gone. I’ve accepted it now. Even though I can’t make any sense of it.

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