Upgraded Image Gallery

I’ve finally upgraded my image gallery and imported it into WordPress with a cool addon. Took me about 3 days of work to get it sorted and adding comments and stuff but it’s been fun going down that memory lane again.

Here are some of my favorite galleries:

As usual the password what the company I work at is know as in Sweden.

To Absent Friends

Yesterday I finally got in the “Star Trek Online” beta! It’s an online roleplaying game in the Star Trek universe. And being a huge trekker and huge Warcraft geek I think I’ll like it. So far I love it! Some parts of the game feels like being in one of the episodes, really well made. Although it’s almost more than what my graphic card can handle!

When creating a character you have to chose name, which was relatively easy. Then you have to name your ship. Which was easier ’cause my first thought went to my best friend Eden who passed away almost 8 years ago. So if you’re in the game and see a ship named USS Eden pass by, that’ll be me ๐Ÿ™‚

Happy New Year!

Since every other site is summoning up the past ten years I thought I’d do the same. Because the past ten years have been completely revolutionary in most ways for me.

10 years ago I was just settling into my rental apartment in south of stockholm, never having set foot in the northern parts of Stockholm. Didn’t have a drivers license, worked at the “customization” department at a computer retailer, didn’t have a girlfriend or even any prospects and was rarely going outside the Stockholm region.

Then I got promoted, lost my job, got a new job, got my drivers license, got to travel the world for the state department, got laid off again and got a job at a former customer. And that was just in the first five years. But then I got so comfortable that I have really no reason to look for any other job!

In 2005 I had my 30 year crisis and was slowly realizing that you really need someone to share your ups and cheer you up in your downs. But it wasnt until 2006 that I really understood just how much I needed that and after “playing the field” for 2 years I was almost ready to give up when I was contacted by Helena through an internet dating site and I realised quickly she was something special! We met for the first time 3/3 in 2008 and by September I was moving in with her. Then in April we signed the papers to have a house built and in June when the house was being built we found out we were pregnant.

So now, 10 years after, I’m living in my own house (north of Stockholm!), have a good job, good friends, awesome fiance and in 7-8 weeks I’m gonna be a dad. So except for still going to “Star Trek” events, watching Formula 1 and playing computer games nothing in my life today is as it was 10 years ago.

Overall the past 10 years have been very good to me. Except one huge thing. 10 years ago my best friend was Eden. I loved that guy and for who he was. In February 2002 he died only 32 years old. That was a huge bummer but taught me a little bit about appreciating live. Still find myself thinking about him.

And now for a very adult comment – I really hope the next 10 years is way less eventful! I don’t want to move and don’t want to lose my job and I don’t want to lose anymore friends. ๐Ÿ™‚

Have a great 2010 everyone!

In Sweden

It almost slipped my mind. But only almost. Yesterday was pretty hectic so I didn’t have much time to stop and think. But when I finally went to bed at 11 and did my “think about the day” I realised what day it was. 2 years… 2 years ago that I lost my best friend. 2 years ago that I was taught the real meaning of “you don’t know what you’ve got until you lose it”. 2 years ago that my world was turned upside down. 2 years… it feels like an eternity.

It’s Been A Year!

Payday here in sweden again. And that’s usually something to look forward to. Because for one day, or maybe even a week, you feel almost rich. Then all bills are paid and you’re snapped back into reality again.

But this payday is one I have been dreading. February 25th… a day that will live in infamy for me and my friends. Because it’s exactly a year now since my best friend passed away. It’s a year and two days since I was egoistical enough to go to a dinner at Fridays when my friend really needed me at home. It’s a year ago… and I have the same feelings I had 6 months ago – first a sense of “is that all” followed by a “it feels like yesterday”. ‘Cause it does, I can still remember those weeks as if it were yesterday. And this afternoon we’re suppose to have a meeting back at work, but I really can’t work up the effort to go there, I feel like handling it the pathetic way – go to the nearest bar and have a couple of beers.


This may come off as a bit cold or just asshole-like, but am I the only one who’s tired of all dedications / memorials and stuff that’s gone on over the past year? It seems that when someone, especially if they are famous, dies it has to be made into something huge and special. Two great recent examples of that is Aaliyah and Lisa ‘Lefteye’ Lopez. Both made decent music and they may both have been good people, but with all stuff that’s been done in the media (like the recent MTV VMA dedication to Lopez) you’d think they were up for some saint-status or something.

And then ofcourse there is all the 9/11 (which by the way, we swedes would write 11/9). Naturually it was a terrible event and a huge loss of life, completely over the top and I in no way condone what happened. But why was I asked to hold a minute of silence last wednesday? Anton, a friend at work, got really upset, borderlining mad over this entire thing. At first I thought he was overreacting, but at the end of the day, with all the hype in non-american media, you’d think it was the biggest disaster that ever happened and that the world “owes” america (especially their government) something?! Wtf is all that about? Ofcourse I feel sorry for what happened and to the people who lost a loved one, but it has in absolutely no way affected me or my life, so why should I feel anything about that entire thing? Let’s reverse it – can any one american say why we swedes should hold a silent moment or two next saturday (Sept. 28th)? I’m pretty sure not a single one of them can, because why are they suppose to know that is the date when Estonia sank! Which, if you’ll excuse the cold Vulcan part of me, was atleast 10 times worse, percentage-wise, for sweden than 9/11 was for US of A. “But Estonia was not an act of terrorism against civilian targets” you may say. True, but the Estonia disaster was a random event that killed about a thousand people, which I consider a far worse human disaster than some misguided terrorist who’s been fooled into thinking that USA is the devil. But from their perspective, just how wrong are they? I’m not gonna try and justify what they did, but lets face it, USA has a huge tendancy to play cop in the world. And as long as they have the UN support, that’s fine with me. But I can atleast understand why the islam world are getting upset when the US government is demanding that Yasir Araft be replaced by someone more US friendly!

I, myself, am pretty US friendly when it comes to the people, it’s just their government I object to.

“Dude, if you’re so against it why do you have a memorial for Eden!”. That’s different. That was a personal tragedy for me that I dealt with in this way. I have never ever asked anyone to feel sorry for me or a minute of silence for him. Not even when the 6 month mark came and went did I tell anyone! And it’s not like I’m doing a huge thing about it either, it’s there, read it of you want to. Or not.


August 25th, you know what that means? 6 months since I suddenly lost my best friend. My spontaneous reaction was “is that all?”, it feels like ages ago since I last spoke to him. Since we shared some jokes, watched movies together, just sat down at a bar testing new beers and stuff. But at the same time it feels like it was just yesterday that this entire thing happened. I remember those weeks as if it was yesterday…
So how have life proceeded since then? Pretty well I think. Although I did suddenly realise that alot of my life has been converted to routines and procedures. Like I’m just going through day by day waiting for something to happen. And I don’t like that. So I’ll see what I can do to change it. And I still find myself thinking “I gotta tell Eden about this” when I stumble on something new I know he would’ve liked. Guess that’ll have to wait until we meet again in Sto Vo Kor.


Payday again in sweden. You know what that means, right? It’s been exactly one month since my best friend died ๐Ÿ™

On an egoistic note – I think this has ruined any joy I may ever have on any future payday…

On an optimistic note however – I got a real life example which proves I’m not a racists: I woke up this morning to the radio-chatter, and the news that Hale Berry had won an Oscar. “Good for her” I thought, “she’s done some really good performances over the years, so she’s worked for it”. Then 7 oยดclock news started and one of the short headlines was “a historic win in best actress category at the Oscars”. “Why is Hale Berry winning historic?”… The youngest? No, Anna Paquin is the youngest one I’m aware of… no, it was historic because she was the first afro-american actress to get it. I didn’t even think about that! To me, that wasn’t even an issue! True, it sounds very much like the “South Park” episode when they had that huge debate over the flag that showed a bunch of white people hanging a black person. But all the kids saw was an bunch of people hanging someone. So once again, I’m reassured I’m not a racist, and I’ll let everyone else think what they want about me.

Btw, this means that X-Men now have two Oscar award winning chicks ๐Ÿ™‚
(of course, both Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen deserves one each, they’re both awesome actors!)


So, did anyone of you wonder why on earth I was actually thinking about not going to my best friend’s funeral?
When I was thinking about it, I asked myself “why should I?”. And the first answer I came up with is “because you’re just suppose to!”. And that’s so true, you’re just suppose to go, it’s what you do! If you don’t show up, people will think you’re a self-centered asshole. But is that reason enough? I really don’t want people to think I’m an asshole. But compare that to all the planning, work and emotional control it required to going… there’s gotta be something else! How about “so you can say a final goodbye”? NO! I’m not there yet. I’m still in a little bit of denial. And when I get there, shouldn’t I be able to say goodbye to him in my way, in the way I think is appropriate. So that’s not it.. 
How about “to support everyone else”? Fair enough, but that didn’t happen since every ounce of conscious thought went into trying not to burst out in tears myself, so I wasn’t able to support anyone else. Which, in retrospect, I really should have.

The only valid reason I came up with was “to show everyone what a good friend of his you were”. So good that I’ll go through all of this, so good that I could actually give a little eulogy. And no, I’m not applauding myself here, it’s just that I’m wondering what the real purpose is, why does everyone else go through this?

On a happier note, the new design is absolutely beautiful, some of my best work. Will be up this weekend.


I’ve finally got some motivation and inspiration (translate – “Kris found a good, nice and easily adaptable design that he’s gonna steal”) to start on a new design for the pretty low-key’d site. Also working on a little memorial for my friend. Hey, we all deal with this our way!
Just got my web-statistics report. I’ve had about 500 people checking in on this page daily since February 25th. Thanx everyone!


Here are some pictures from the most beautiful, but also the worst, funeral I’ve ever been too:
Pic # 1 : Picture with everything in it. (including my stereo ๐Ÿ™ )
Pic # 2 : Picture with everything in it. (including Eva ๐Ÿ™‚ )
Pic # 3 : Close up of two of the most frequent Eden attires – his hat and custom made jacket.
Pic # 4 : Close up of a “Galaxy-class” model. That was his alias on the web, Galaxy-class
Pic # 5 : Close up of the Spock action figure I mentioned in the eulogy.
Pic # 6 : Picture fromt the side.
Pic # 7 : Picture from the reversed side post-service.
Pic # 8 : I don’t know if this is something pilots do every day over this cemetary (the biggest one I’ve ever seen) or if it was specially ordered today, but it was a nice touch.


That was my eulogy to my best friend Eden. Or rather how it was written, approved and memorized. Unfortunately I tense up when speaking in front of a crowd. Add to that a very near outburst of tears and I’m bound to miss a few things here and there. But I’m pretty sure everyone agrees that it wasn’t what I said, it was the fact that I got up to say something.


My eulogy to Eden

I’d like to take a minute to explain to everyone a little about Star Trek and what it meant to Eden.
Star Trek, and Trekkies, are usually considered very techie, asocial and geeky. And although that description may fit Trekkies like myself, it didn’t fit Eden. Eden was more into the human and social part of Star Trek and the always present “message” of the show. During it’s 600+ episodes, Star Trek has dealt with basically every human and social problem there is – everything from politics, racism to sexuality. And they’ve not been preaching what is right and wrong, but instead let it up to the audience to decide for themselves. Before I met Eden, this part of Star Trek had gone unnoticed by me. But he constantly came up with weird Star Trek influenced questions like “what is life”, “define love”, “what qualifies as intelligence”… Edens gift to me, Star Trek-wise, was to force me to think along those lines, and not just watch the show but actually use my intellect.
Eden really loved Star Trek, from when he cried like crazy if he didn’t get a Spock action figure when he was a kid to just three
weeks ago when he was sitting in my couch talking about the latest Star Trek episode, he lived Star Trek. So when planning
this whole thing, it seemed fitting to do it as Star Trek inspired as possible. Because if I had to put a lifestyle or religion on him, it’d be Star Trek.
But there was one philosphy in Star Trek he couldn’t live by – non-involvement.
He loved to get involved, create a stir and to just take the opposite side of whatever you were talking about. He didn’t do it to offend or tick anyone off – he just wanted people to think and use their minds, not give the standard or political correct answers. He hated people who just said what they were suppose to, so he argued to make them think for themselves. Although I considred this a good trait, it was often mistaken as something negative. The people who didn’t knew him may have thought he was a bit arrogant, wise-guy, know-it-all nitpicker. He loved to point out other peoples wrongs and to brag how much he knew, so therefor it took a special kind of person to become friends with him. I’m sure all of his friends have some funny story how they became friends with Eden. Mine is that I was exactly like him – nitpicky and bragged how much I know. So I picked up the gauntlet to take his arguments and we spent hours trying to break eachother in “who knows most about the least important thing in the world”. That might have ended in a verbal war between us, but instead we teamed up to become the dynamic duo of useless information.
That’s how our friendship started. And when he got a job up here in Stockholm, but didn’t have any place to live, he crashed at my place for about 6 months. And during that period of trials and tribulations we got to know each other so well and I look back on those 6 months as some of the best of my life.
When he did get his own place and moved out we had inevitably become great friends. And if there was something he excelled at,
it was taking care of his friends. With him, you never had to call and ask for help – he’d call you and offer his help! He bent over
backwards to help his friends, sometimes at his own expense.

So there is no doubt in my mind that I’m a better and happier person today thanks to him, and it’s with a smile on my face that I think
about him and the time I got to spend with him, the incredible original that he was. And noone can ever forget him because he made an impression on everyone he met or talked to. Sometimes good, sometimes not so good, but he always made a lasting impression.

The most pleasing thought I’d heard during the past weeks when asking “what is he doing now” is ‘” he’s probably sitting up there in heaven [or whatever you believe in] sharing a cold one with Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry “. That thought always brings a smile to my face.
And I’d like to close this with something I end all my mails with – a quote. This one from Star Trek II, said my Dr. McCoy:
“He’s not really dead. As long as we remember him.”


Can you say a funeral was “perfect”? How about “beautiful”? Because that’s what it was! Everyone involved pulled everything off beatifuly, all practical problems were just solved, everything worked. The music, the atmosphere, the colors, hell – even the eulogy I managed to give was just beautiful. I’m sure Eden would have found something wrong with it, but as far as I know the only thing missing was just that – him. And then small touches, like people putting their communicators down instead of flowers, a small military salute… wow, and I was thinking of not attending…
I’d like to thank everyone who turned up! I was afraid not many would, but I was wrong. A special thanx to everyone in uniforms, I know Eden would’ve loved that. Credits go off to Ricki for keeping the entire thing together, Nic for musical recomendations, Eva for emotional support, Paramount for letting us use the copyrighted Starfleet logo, my father for letting me have the car and thereby solving so many practical problems..
It was really nice to feel the support everyone offered through this tragedy.

Well, let’s keep on Trekkin people!


Wanna hear a bad joke? “What is the one event you don’t want a front-row seat to?” – “A funeral”.
I’ve found that the best way to deal with this is humor. Anyway, somehow I wound up as the person responsible for giving a eulogy for my friends funeral. Is that heavy or what, and not in a good way!


Damn I hate funerals. I’ve been to four of them, and they have all pretty much sucked. I guess it’s because I’m just such a positive, optimistic happy guy that I just can’t take 50 or so people being that depressed and sad. And I have another one coming up next week. But as oppose to the other ones, this is someone who was really, really close to me. So I’ll be working all week trying to work up strength and courage to go there and get through it.

But on an optimistic note – guess who won… no, that’s not it… kicked ass?… no, not that either… DOMINATED the first Grand prix of the year? Ferrari baby, yeah! Over a second faster in training sessions, took pole with 0.4 seconds and even after one of them created some havoc and the other one slipping down to 4th by the first curve, they still came out on top with some 20 seconds to spare. And the best part of it – it was all done using last year’s cars!!


As promised, here is a page explaining how I’d want my funeral to be like, as well as some notes about “who gets what”.

Don’t think I’m suicidal or anything, it’s just that I don’t want anyone to have to go through what we’ve gone through in the last week. So to spare some practical problems, here are my wishes.
(yes, I know I should print and sign it to make it legally binding, but I’m trusting everyone will get along without contesting anything)


Yesterday I was emotionally exhausted! All this planning and talking is just exhausting. And today I’m physically exhausted. But that’s what you get when you’re up till 4.30 am to watch the F1 qualifying. That was an attempt at resuming normal life again.
Semi-succeeded. I think I’ve tried every therapy there is. Except the one that takes two.

If I work really hard to find some positive thing, it’s gotta be that now I have to plan my own funeral because I don’t wish anyone to have to go through what we have. So when I’m back to normal I’ll start writing all things down, what I want my funeral to be like. Just in case I’d be hit by a truck or something…
(and no, I’m not suicidal!)


Try and remember your weirdest dream, the one where nothing made sense and just weirded you out that you’re imagination is that weird. Well that’s the feeling I got today when I was sitting in an office planning my best friends funeral. Totally surreal and bisarre. That’s not the way it’s suppose to be! I’m the one always joking about not living past 60!
Now try and remember the most awkward moment, the one when you just didn’t know what to do and what to say. Then try to imagine coming up with anything to say to this very sweet couple who just lost their only child!
Am I being too egoistic here?


My best friend is gone. The shock has subsided. I’ve accepted it. Now I’m just waiting for the real shock when I realise I haven’t heard his voice in a while, seen his face, when I haven’t exchanged any new Star Trek jokes, when the next “Enterprise” episode airs and I’ll have to watch it alone… that’s when I’m expecting the second wave… now begins the unavoidable aftermath and trying to pick up the pieces. We’ll see how that goes. But for now, the small step has been to accept it and regain some emotional equilibrium (I just threw that one in because my mother complained I couldn’t spell, and that’s a hard word to spell!). Let’s see how it goes to go back to work. I’ve already tried once, didn’t get very far.

And just to make something very clear – the countdown I’ve been having for the past two months have been for the Australian Grand Prix, the opening of the F1 2002 season. As if that has any importance anymore.

My best friend is gone. I’ve accepted it now. Even though I can’t make any sense of it.