“Guys being guys” and why it’s not ok

I can’t call myself a feminist. It’s a hard word to define but I’m pretty sure it involves some kind of activism and that’s not me. But I do think I’m at least a righteous guy that does “the right thing” and try to be a gentleman to ladies – but stopping short of making them feel incompetent. And in my opinion – women are just better in every way. And the fact that guys again and again take advantage of being physically stronger sickens me!

This week I posted what was supposed to be a funny joke on Facebook with a funny pun. But what I didn’t reflect on at first was that the joke was about a guy doing a guy thing and taking sexual advantage of a woman in a very exposed situation. So when thinking about it like that it really wasn’t funny. But it took someone pointing that out to me that even though it was a pun-joke, the situation itself was anything but funny. The person pointing this out knew I wasn’t the kind of person to think a guy sexually assaulting a woman is funny but the point was that I didn’t even think of it that way. And that guys rarely think of it that way. And I couldn’t really argue against it!

I also remember back in high school when the guys are talking about home many girls they grabbed on the ass and I can honestly tell you my score was 0. Because it was just a completely strange concept to me – what was the point?? Back then one could blame it on hormones and “guys being guys” but nowadays it’s so very common for guys to still do things like that and I still don’t get it. But reading what happened with our prime minster Ulf Kristersson the other day it’s clear that it’s very common.

If you didn’t hear the story, he was doing a round with the local police and ended up comforting a woman in Gröna Lund that had been the victim of some guy being a complete asshole – and fortunately he got taken in by the police. And in a public response to the family of the victim that thanked him, he made a awesome point by stating that this is not ok and it’s up to everyone to stop this behaviour now.

Some might say this is “an imported problem”, with the meaning that this is young Muslim boys who don’t respect women and behaves in Muslim ways – which I don’t buy at all. As I said, this was a thing that happened 30 years ago when I was in high school! And swedes have been raping women since the age of the Vikings so I don’t buy that. But I don’t get where these guys are – because no one I personally know would think it’s ok to go around grabbing women at a concert or crowded subway or something like that, let alone raping anyone.

And speaking of rape, if anyone thinks a rape is just rough sex and then it’s done and over with, I want you to read this PDF about how a rape and the failure of the legal system can destroy the victim. Everyone should actually read it, it s a very good read and something I hope with our new “mutual consent” law in Sweden won’t be as much of an issue as it has been. Or go read statistics about how a rape can destroy a person’s life with a lot of victims ending up in some addiction hellhole!

So no, “guys being guys” isn’t ok, it’s not an excuse, it’s a terrible way of trying to deflect from being an asshole!

But I still can’t undo being a part of the problem for posting a joke without thinking it through. Here’s hoping I’m not too old to learn and change my ways!