Warning : This update will be one of the deepest ones all year.
About a year ago (April 3rd) I made an update about me and my so called brother not getting along. This seems to be a recurring theme between us, every now and then we just get upset at each other, then after a week or so it’s business as usual. But now it appears it’s over.
The reason that “so called brother” is there is because he’s not really related to me at all, but it’s been kinda “brother I never had” thing there. But the big difference between being “so called” and actually being related is that with relatives you a) have no choice but to forgive and forget and b) you have almost an infinite amount of patience. But he’s not really related to my, so in this instance my patience has totally run out. My source of forgiveness is depleted. No matter how much you get along with someone, no matter how fun you can have at times, is it really worth it when most of the time you’re disappointed, feel ignored and taken for granted? The most recent incident was 2 weeks ago when we had agreed he’d come over to my place on the friday, we’d do the usual “watch a movie, grab a pizza, play some games”-guy stuff, he’d stay over and then we’d go out to my parent’s place over the saturday/sunday and do the usual family-thing there and watch the F1 premiere. Sounds like the greatest weekend, so I warm it up by taking friday off from work to enjoy it even more. Come friday afternoon he let’s me know he’s going out on a date with this chick so he might be late. That’s always an acceptable excuse to change plans so fine. At 8 he let’s me know that his date is over but he’s gonna stay a while and party but he’ll be up later. At around 11 he decides that “nah, I’ll skip it, c ya tomorrow”. So there I was, sitting alone in my apartment on a friday night, pretty disappointed. But even worse was that my (real) sis AC had to take the train home – ALONE – after a friday
night in Stockholm. She wanted to crash at my place, but there wasn’t suppose to be room so she took the train. Alone. Which didn’t please her hubby Paul. When I tried telling my intoxicated friend that his decision to just change the plans and the consequences that he didn’t think about, knew or maybe even ignored. As usual he can’t take any criticism and said “fine, I’m not coming out this weekend at all!” , as if to punish me. At the time I was so pissed at him it was a blessing for both of us that we weren’t gonna see each other the day after. And if he did it to punish me, it must have meant that he didn’t really want to do it, he just agreed to it to please me? (which sounds like a good thing, but it really isn’t nice to pretend to want to do something, or like something, only to please someone else!) And it again proved my point that he didn’t really think his spontaneous decisions through because by not coming out to my parents he made everyone, my mother, my father, my sister and her sons disappointed.
They were looking forward to meeting him again, they had even bought his favorite alcoholic drink. But to punish me he wasn’t gonna go. I thought this was just a spontaneous outburst that was a bit influenced by the consumed alcohol and come saturday I pretended like that last thing was never said. But he totally ignored me and wouldn’t reply to my SMS’s, no matter how provocative they were (and that last one should’ve made anyone reply “you sick as****e!”). So fine, I’m way more immature and hence better at the “silent treatment” than he is. Now, two weeks have passed. And guess what… I hadn’t noticed his absence. That tells me I was used to not talking to him that much in the first place. Maybe later I’ll start missing him, missing going to the TG Lan party that I was looking forward to or something. But for now… hadn’t noticed…
I’m not gonna be so self diluted as to think that I was the most important thing in his life or that I had any priority over anything else in his life. He had a date with a chick, great! I encourage that totally! He felt like going out with his friends in Södertälje, fine! Although I don’t understand how partying in Södertälje is possible, but fine. I would have been totally ok with him calling me on thursday saying “let’s totally skip everything, I got other plans!” – fine! And if it had been once in a month thing – fine! But for the past two years it’s become more frequent that he just skipped some plans we’d made up for something else that had come in the way. But the worst part is that most of the time he’d never let you know. I’d go on my merry way thinking we were gonna meet somewhere and do something, then have to call him and check why he’s not there and find out he changed his plans. That’s f*cking annoying. And I know that my circle of friends is pretty limited right now, but what’s the point of having a friend out of habbit if all that happens is that you get disappointed, upset and hurt?! And everytime you try to tell him how you feel he just get mad, angry and yells the meanest thing he can think off.
So right now, that’s pretty off. But as I said, it seems to be a recurring theme for us to do this. Right now I figure the ball is in his court. I can’t change who I am, I can’t change that I don’t like the way he is sometimes…
stoff
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