I woke up this morning at around 10 and turn on the laptop in bed and the first thing I get is a MSN saying “what tha f*ck are you doing in expressen!?” (one of the biggest newspaper in sweden)… so here’s the story…
A few weeks ago a friend sent over a link to a singlesblog in Expressen, one of their journalists talking about being single and dating and stuff. The reason I got the link was cause we had one thing in common – we had both been dumped because of our openness on our blogs. So a few e-mails back and forth and then it was Valentine’s day. She doesn’t like it, no single person does (ok, maybe me), but at around lunch I decided to do one of the now infamous “Crazy-stoffs” and bought some flowers and got into a cab and delivered it myself. She was way way happy about it 🙂
So in return she listed me as the “single of the week” today 🙂 I don’t know if that’s cool or not but I thought it was hilarious!! I absolutely don’t expect a response (especially considering her audience being male) but it was just a hilarious thing and it really made my week so thanks 🙂
I like Valentine’s day, but not for the reason’s you’d think. I’m hopelessly single so this bs with one day per year being cute and cuddly and all that, whatever makes people happy I guess, but I like it ’cause it’s the birthday of NataliePortman.com! We’re up to 8 years now and even though I hardly do any work there anymore it’s still amazing how a non-profit fan driven website like that can still be up and running!! And even though I hate “big corporations” I gotta give credit to google for their AdSense programme, would never have afforded it otherwise!
And I made atleast one woman’s valentines alot happier, and making other people makes me happy 🙂
The more I date and the more I watch “House” the more I’m certain I’m totally gonna end up so totally like him! Bitter, sarcastic hopelessly single man running around commenting on human behaviour. Guess it could be worse 🙂
I either date women who are too good for me or women who… well, I think “I could do better” which is a bunch of shallow bullshit, I know, I can’t help it. And I know most women think the same thing when they look at my pictures. It’s the way it is, no matter how nice and polite some people wanna be. I know it’s shallow .. but I am honest above all. And on the other side are all these women I would really go well with that are either already taken or I just don’t wanna risk the friendship ’cause of my hormones
Meanwhile, having fun as hell. And won scrabble again 🙂
I may have inadvertently hurt this wonderful woman I dated late tuesday but I still feel like a good guy. Why? Because it made my weekend terrible. I couldn’t get over it and lost a lot of sleep thanks to it. The idea of a woman out there being hurt and sad because of me feels right down in the gut. So my priorities is still pretty nicely tuned. And that makes me feel a little bit better. If I had hurt a woman and not felt a thing, then I would be seriously worried.
And I guess this brings the counter up to two. Two women in my entire life that I have in some way hurt, both of them inadvertently. And the irony is that both of them was hurt because I knew too much. My resourcefulness and desire to know stuff doesn’t always serve me in a good way.
But now I sent off a very very nice letter to her explaining myself, begging for forgiveness and a second chance. I doubt she will since this thing came up before we even got started but as my wingman told me, “got nothing to lose”. Except my dignity but that’s worthless in comparison to another shot at this delightful woman.
The dating life goes on. This week something really funny but kinda sad happened! A few weeks ago I’d started talking to this really nice and funny woman and when we agreed to go out it was bad timing since she was just leaving for a 2 week skitrip. But that was good since it gave me “2 weeks to plan the perfect date” (quoting her!). And being the practical man I am I got right in there trying to sort as much as possible in case she was serious about that, including looking up where she lived to try and find some good place in that region of town. Then she came back and thank god she was only joking about that. We went out on tuesday and she was certainly one of the cutest girls I’ve ever met! And over the appx. 80 minute long “talking over coffee” date we had I of course mentioned that to her when explaining what a “obsessed with the small practical things” kinda guy I am I mentioned that and she seemed to laugh it off. We had a good date I thought and she said she had fun so we hugged off on the station and went our seperate ways. Today I got the verdict. I shouldn’t have checked up where she lived and I shouldn’t have mentioned it cause that was NOT popular. Quite the opposite. So that’s off because of a small little thing like that. *sigh*
Update: Yes I should have asked her, and the fact is I did in an e-mail I sent and hoped she would reply to before she went away for 2 weeks, but I guess that was too long. And yes I should have asked her when we met but I already knew so faking not knowing goes against my honesty thing I got going. Anything else?
How’s 2008 going so far? For me it’s… well, still to be decided. On the downside we have
1) Warcraft guild breaking down again (which ironically would actually be good for me)
2) Alot of TV shows are starting their last seasons
3) Our trekking saturdays is probably gonna be a thing of the past due to low attendance.
So that should make me atleast a little bit depressed? Well, I ain’t. Cause today I woke up and witnessed a snowstorm outside and said to myself “it’ll be a miracle if the trains are on time today”…. but they were! So at 8 am I sat down in my warm comfy chair with a warm cup of tea and enjoyed the snowstorm in Kungsan. That felt good. Then I got a cute e-mail from a cute woman I’m hoping to get a date with any day now, but ironically enough she’s off to switzerland to ski over the weekend so that’ll have to wait. Which is why I can’t really say if 2008 is off to a good or bad start yet.
But tonight… Alien vs. Predator 2! Yeah, I’m actually going to the movies!!
Ok that was a blast! I really didn’t expect to have _that_ much fun, for some reason, but it was!!
The ceremony was beautiful, usual slip of the tongue (mostly by the priest!), then off in a buss with a driver that took a wrong turn so we had to walk for a little while but nobody seemed to mind. The dinner was good even though it never got that chatty. One funny little thing they had done was a little pamphlet with various information in it and they had listed all the guests with a small little note that was intended to stir up some conversation or atleast open it up. Unfortunately on me they had written “hates NPC:s, Razer ftw!!” and when people asked I had to explain just how white and nerdy I am!! I had no idea we were suppose to hold a speach, apparently “childhood friends” are suppose to do that? So between the four of us we came up with… nothing really, and I fucked up my little bit of nothing, but atleast we got another toast out of it. Then tables away and the dancefloor was open and I was up there… thrice I think, one of those times ended up with me on the floor… you had to be there. And then one of the more interesting rides home. But I’ll update about that tomorrow cause it’s gonna be long!
Some great memories from that day : Johan doing the imperial march from Star Wars as the bride entered, Jannes uncontrollable yawns during the ceremony, the buss getting stuck, the Andersson family’s version of “Världens Bästa Bamse” (give mp3!), the peppar steak, the cake, the two people with the cameras that were everywhere (one of them even joined the dancefloor!), all the 80’s music, Jocke and Johans two dances.. or whatever that was, my new two personal heroes – Jonas and Lars and the ride home.
And only one “are you dating anyone yet?” and three “who are you here with? What, you’re single? But you”re 32!”. Wouldn’t be a wedding without them!
All in all – kick ass wedding!!
Yeap, I was right. “Nines only goes with Nines and Fours goes with Fours. Sometimes there’s the mathematical anomaly, usually when there’s money involved…”. Not an exact quote of House but you get the point. Official reason was “no chemistry”, I dunno if 100 minutes of laughing a bit over a beer or two is reason enough to totally call it off, but atleast she gave me a chance, credit for that.
Ofcourse it is a bit hypocritical of me to say stuff like that, ’cause obviously I’m just as shallow when I make that assessment that a woman is out of my league, or even below it, but I’m pretty damn sure everyone is just as bad. But the only time this hasn’t even been an issue was with “case closed” that I just thought was a beautiful person no matter what, and look what that got me! … the search goes on …
Oh, cookies!
Yesterday I went out on a date with a woman that really made me feel… inferior! We’d talked a bit online and I’d seen a few photos of her so I’d set my expectations at a certain level. But they really didn’t do her justice. So on the physical plane I was the big underdog, but usually that’s ok since I most of the time feel atleast like an equal when looking beyond that, but no luck there either. So I was nervously trying to get through the 1 1/2 hour of getting to know each other talk over 2 beers trying not to screw up too badly and I think I did ok. Although I think I may have left her with the impression I was a irresponsible, gambling alcoholic computer nerd… ok, that last part is probably true…
But I’m hoping she saw that I was just nervous and will gimme the chance to make it up to her with another date. Just unlike me to get that way.
>I woke up today feeling pretty happy about things. I got my wheels changed on my car so I can drive this winter, I got “Sunshine” on Blueray, I saw plenty of nice women on my way to work and work has gone on pretty well. I was pretty happy. Then someone that remembered my little update a few weeks ago about “no is not always a no, sometimes it means ‘try harder'” and that rape-trial that was going on. Anyway, she pointed me to a new website produced by “Operation Kvinnofrid” that was designed to talk about this kind of thing. The site is called “okejsex.nu” and at first I really liked it. And I was just looking for the “and this is for you girls – don’t say no when you don’t really mean it” part. And there was nothing! The entire site just has one messages – rapists are just guys not knowing where the line is drawn. There is this whole section about mutual respect and all that. The thing is if I lived by what that website is promoting (and come to think of it, I think I do…) I wouldn’t be getting any sex ever at all. I got pretty pissed at it cause noway at all does it even suggest that girls saying no while meaning try harder is even an issue or that it even exists. So very biased. Oh well, atleast I got my cookies!
One of the reasons I’ve gotted used to when being dumped is that I’m too nice, too harmless. I dunno why chicks don’t dig that, but they don’t.
But yesterday I had to use it when calling it off with a girl I’d dated. I’d gotten to know her through one of the more serious websites and it was all good, we got along great. So we went out and she was one of the nicest women I’ve ever gone out with and I really wanted to like her. But after a week and not feeling anything more than “she’s nice” I had to call it because going on for longer I’d just be kidding myself and getting her hopes up while wasting both our time. But it really sucked having to split when I knew what a nice woman she was and that she would’ve been 10 times better for me than some of the women I’ve actually fallen for.
… go go Vulcans!!
Took the last and final step in the long dance with “Chapter Closed” and removed her as friend on Facebook. I thought we’d be cool but everytime I saw her name flash by I got more and more negative vibes and in the end there was just two options – talk it out with her or remove her so I wouldn’t see her name flash by. And she made it clear she don’t wanna talk it out…
But I’m happy cause I’ve got a date tomorrow 🙂
The biggest news here in sweden is a rape-trial that just finished with the “guilty!” verdict. I don’t know the exact details but I’m getting a bit frustrated… Everone and their cousins are hurrying to say “this a good verdict since the court have finally ruled that a no is really a no”.
I’m sorry to burst bubbles but what kinda fucked up dating world did they live in, if any !?
I’ve lived the single’s life and somewhat active dating life for about a decade and no, it really isn’t. After having played all those mind games and walked the mindfields, trying to play mindreader and all those hoops that chicks today make you go through the one thing I’ve learnt is “no” is most of the time really a “try harder”. I was raised with the utmost respect for women so I’ve always accepted a no as a no which is why it totally backfires with all the girls that says something but really means something else.
Ofcourse there’s a big difference between dating and saying no when it comes to the actual sex part but it’s kinda the old story of the boy who cried wolf – after turning so many no’s into yes’ I can see how someone might not take that last no as a real no.
Ofcourse rape is always wrong and noone should ever say anyone deserves it and ofcourse in this case it was pretty clear the bastards were guilty and ofcourse I will always respect a no and I will never say it’s ok for any guy to have sex with a chick that’s not into it that’s not what this post is about – I get so fed up with everyone being politically correct by saying a no is always a no. Cause it ain’t. And I didn’t make the rules and I’m not even playing those games anymore.
Let me tell you about the latest mine that blew up in my face. This was on saturday when sweden was playing a qualifying match against Lichtenstein for the soccer European Championship. It was our fourth date and we went to Heron City to catch a movie and afterwards she wanted to go eat something and I named every restaurant in the vicinity and got to “O’Learys” and she said “let’s go there! they have good food there, and you can watch the soccer game”. Now I’m not that crazy about sports but I do like to see the game if sweden is playing. And this game was a slam dunk victory, Lichtenstein isn’t that good. So I would never have suggest going there cause I wanted to see the soccer game nor would I have cried had I missed it. But she wanted to go there. But ofcourse that was a trap. I should ofcourse have called a limo to take us to an italian restaurant with candlelight and all that. Which is ofcourse what I would have done had she given any clue that she liked that kind of romantic stuff… *sigh* .. next date I’m gonna make it clear that she had better be straightforward with stuff like that.
Now I’m done and gonna expect a call from my very upset mother yelling at me for saying that rape is ok… which I didn’t really say…
There’s alot going on but I really don’t know how much I can say without having to face the music “in real life”. That “chapter closed” is still closed, we’re simply just not talking anymore which makes me kinda sad how something so good can end so badly. But I did manage to get another date through the web-dateing site, but she had found this place even before we first met so I’m not gonna go into details, don’t wanna ruin another one. And I “dinged” 93 kilos the other day (“dinged” is a very technical World of Warcraft term for achieving a goal), but unfortunately I’ve really slacked the past few days so gotta be careful with that. Other than that – life walking along nicely with my biggest concerns being if I should buy a new 8 gig Clix MP3 player or wait for the 16 gig Apple iTouch.
So remember that “chapter closed” comment, it had one little reservation – “anything revolutionary happening”. Well it did. For the worse. And I got so pissed of at it I was jumping around my apartment trying to let it all out. I’m surprised my knuckles are still working. No, no details. It was just … bad.
But what is good is I wook up, wasn’t as pissed but still pretty much on the dark side but by the time I got to work I was smiling and feeling “life is good”. Moby’s “Everloving” and a long outside walk to work at lunchtime will do that to you. Life is just too short to stay mad at people and carry grudges.
That comment yesterday may need explanation and if she wants one I’ll be happy to, just not here. I have no problems laying out my whole life here, but this wasn’t only my life.
But anyway!… I don’t know how I do it. I am not good at counting exactly how much money I spend, where it goes and exactly how much I have left but on any given month I have a few hundred left on the 24th (since 25th is payday). I can’t remember the last time it didn’t work out, somehow. Well guess what – it’s the 24th and I have 30 swedish crowns left and 6 hours to payday! How’s that for planning?! .. ofc it did mean taking the car to work but I’m a problem solver!
I had written an update here after I got home from a party yesterday, but after thinking about it I realised it wasn’t appropriate. I’ll just sum it up with this – I’ve never wanted a girl in her undies less than I did yesterday. Those who gets it gets it, those who don’t don’t need to.
I know this is getting old. About 10 months old. But just one more…
After 2 1/2 weeks she decided to write me back on that, and she did it with something borderlining poetry which I didn’t expect. But being the deep guy I can be I totally got what she wrote. Totally, 100%. Unfortunately for us she had gotten her pronounces mixed up because everytime she said “you” she meant “me” and when she said “me” she meant “you”. Either that or she felt exactly what I felt but thought I felt the complete opposite. Misunderstandings sux. And I’m just too tired to sort it out, and for what?
Another weird twist was that in my response to her I kinda nailed my problem all along. I can’t say I loved her (we never got that far). I’m actually not sure just how much I wanted her. But what I do know is I loved how I felt when I was with her and I would give everything for feeling what I felt at that one perfect moment back in May.
But, with reservation for anything revolutionary happening, I can finally say…
Chapter closed.
There’s not alot happening at the moment. Life goes on, throws its curve balls but nothing major at all right now. Got a relaxing weekend which is probably gonna result in me seeing 300 twice, good thing it’s a good movie! And some sweet formula one from Belgium which is always offering some surprises. And I hit 94 kilos this morning which I guess means I might as well continue until 89 (why make it even?). And as expected when I tried to get deep and talk emotions with “her” she shut down. And we’re bound to meet up again at a party next weekend so looking forward to that… or am I… oh well, gonna enjoy this rainy Friday with a beefy burger and complete apathy towards everything!
It took a friend reminding me of a topic of conversation on saturday night to realise what it was that had that affect on me that I couldn’t explain. It seems we got to talking about computer gaming, one of the few things here in life where I rule, and _she_ (you all know her by now) expressed some opinions that … well, let’s just say that had a guy said it may have gotten physical. I dunno if I am way, way too analynical about stuff, but I can spend hours wondering about one little conversation, the phrasing or even one word. But yesterday as I was going over what was said and done on saturday evening… I think I don’t like her at all anymore. Which is cool considering that for the past few months I haven’t known what to feel..
Oh, pizza!!