Wednesday, March 25th
Ok, I know this site doesn't look good in anything else than
MS Internet Explorer! That's because I was a bit too eager to
get it up. I'm redoing the entire site using only tables instead
of layers and frames. Then it'll look cool in NS and Mozilla!
I'm also gonna update the "Eden Memorial" alot over
the next few days. But I just got the new Star Wars game, Jedi
Knight II, so I'll be a bit busy with that for a while. Also,
it's easter time which means back to my parents for the looong
weekend and the F1 race from Brasil. I'll update again asap.
Monday, March 24th
Payday again in sweden. You know what that means, right? It's
been exactly one month since my best friend died :( On an egoistic
note - I think this has ruined any joy I may ever have on any
future payday...
On an optimistic note however - I got a real
life example which proves I'm not a racists: I woke up this
morning to the radio-chatter, and the news that Halle Berry
had won an Oscar. "Good for her" I thought, "she's
done some really good performances over the years, so she's
worked for it". Then 7 o´clock news started and one
of the short headlines was "a historic win in best actress
category at the Oscars". "Why is Halle Berry winning
historic?"... The youngest? No, Anna Paquin is the youngest
one I'm aware of... no, it was historic because she was the
first afro-american actress to get it. I didn't even think
about that! To me, that wasn't even an issue! True, it sounds
very much like the "South Park" episode when they
had that huge debate over the flag that showed a bunch of white
people hanging a black person. But all the kids saw was an bunch
of people hanging someone. So once again, I'm reassured I'm
not a racist, and I'll let everyone else think what they want
about me.
Btw, this means that X-Men now have two
Oscar award winning chicks :)
(of course, both Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen deserves one
each, they're both awesome actors!)
Saturday, March 23rd
How do you like the new design? Pretty cool, huh? I'm still
sorting out bugs for different resolutions and stuff like that,
but everything looks perfect from my side so sorry, not a top
priority.
And I have a new favorite musicvideo - Manson's
cover of "Tainted Love" :) Great looking women, nice
track and his style is so out of here, but he somehow manages
to look cool anyway, how does he do it? Have you seen the MTV
Diary featuring Manson? I might not like his style that much,
or his music (except for this song ofcourse), but he's got his
style and he sticks with it and tells the people with the ties
to shut up if they try to change it. Kinda total opposite of
Spears that way :)
(I'm sorry, that Spears-bashing must be getting old now, but
I just can't help it, I mean listen to that crappy "not
a girl, not yet a woman", wtf does that mean? She'll always
be a girl, unless she has some operation... and a girl over
20 is a woman, right? So wtf does that song mean? Is she immature,
like me? Then just say it - I'm incredibly childish and proud
of it!... time for ice-cream!)
Friday,
March 22nd
So, did anyone of you wonder why on earth I was actually thinking
about not going to my best friend's funeral?
When I was thinking about it, I asked myself "why should
I?". And the first answer I came up with is "because
you're just suppose to!". And that's so true, you're just
suppose to go, it's what you do! If you don't show up, people
will think you're a self-centered asshole. But is that reason
enough? I really don't want people to think I'm an asshole.
But compare that to all the planning, work and emotional control
it required to going... there's gotta be something else!
How about "so you can say a final goodbye"? NO! I'm
not there yet. I'm still in a little bit of denial. And when
I get there, shouldn't I be able to say goodbye to him in my
way, in the way I think is appropriate. So that's not it..
How
about "to support everyone else"? Fair enough, but
that didn't happen since every ounce of conscious thought went
into trying not to burst out in tears myself, so I wasn't able
to support anyone else. Which, in retrospect, I really should
have.
The
only valid reason I came up with was "to show everyone
what a good friend of his you were". So good that I'll
go through all of this, so good that I could actually give a
little eulogy.
And no, I'm not applauding myself here, it's just that I'm wondering
what the real purpose is, why does everyone else go through
this?
On
a happier note, the new design is absolutely beautiful, some
of my best work. Will be up this weekend.
Thursday,
March 21st
I've finally got some motivation and inspiration (translate
- "Kris found a good, nice and easily adaptable design that
he's gonna steal") to start on a new design for the pretty low-key'd
site. Also working on a little memorial for my friend. Hey,
we all deal with this our way!
Just got my web-statistics report. I've had about 500 people
checking in on this page daily since February 25th. Thanx everyone!
Tuesday,
March 19th
Here are some pictures from the most beautiful, but also
the worst, funeral I've ever been too:
Pic # 1 : Picture
with everything in it. (including my stereo :( )
Pic # 2 : Picture
with everything in it. (including Eva :) )
Pic # 3 : Close
up of two of the most frequent Eden attires - his hat and custom
made jacket.
Pic # 4 : Close
up of a "Galaxy-class" model. That was his alias on
the web, Galaxy-class
Pic # 5 : Close
up of the Spock action figure I mentioned in the eulogy.
Pic # 6 : Picture
fromt the side.
Pic # 7 : Picture
from the reversed side post-service.
Pic # 8 : I don't
know if this is something pilots do every day over this cemetary
(the biggest one I've ever seen) or if it was specially ordered
today, but it was a nice touch.
Monday,
March 18th
That was my eulogy to my best friend Eden. Or rather how it
was written, approved and memorized. Unfortunately I tense up
when speaking in front of a crowd. Add to that a very near outburst
of tears and I'm bound to miss a few things here and there.
But I'm pretty sure everyone agrees that it wasn't what I said,
it was the fact that I got up to say something.
Sunday,
March 17th
My
eulogy to Eden
I'd
like to take a minute to explain to everyone a little about
Star Trek and what it meant to Eden.
Star Trek, and Trekkies, are usually considered very techie,
asocial and geeky. And although that description may fit Trekkies
like myself, it didn't fit Eden. Eden was more into the human
and social part of Star Trek and the always present "message"
of the show. During it's 600+ episodes, Star Trek has dealt
with basically every human and social problem there is - everything
from politics, racism to sexuality. And they've not been preaching
what is right and wrong, but instead let it up to the audience
to decide for themselves. Before I met Eden, this part of Star
Trek had gone unnoticed by me. But he constantly came up with
weird Star Trek influenced questions like "what is life",
"define love", "what qualifies as intelligence"...
Edens gift to me, Star Trek-wise, was to force me to think along
those lines, and not just watch the show but actually use my
intellect.
Eden really loved Star Trek, from when he cried like crazy if
he didn't get a Spock action figure when he was a kid to just
three
weeks ago when he was sitting in my couch talking about the
latest Star Trek episode, he lived Star Trek. So when planning
this whole thing, it seemed fitting to do it as Star Trek inspired
as possible. Because if I had to put a lifestyle or religion
on him, it'd be Star Trek.
But
there was one philosphy in Star Trek he couldn't live by - non-involvement.
He loved to get involved, create a stir and to just take the
opposite side of whatever you were talking about. He didn't
do it to offend or tick anyone off - he just wanted people to
think and use their minds, not give the standard or political
correct answers. He hated people who just said what they were
suppose to, so he argued to make them think for themselves.
Although I considred this a good trait, it was often mistaken
as something negative. The people who didn't knew him may have
thought he was a bit arrogant, wise-guy, know-it-all nitpicker.
He loved to point out other peoples wrongs and to brag how much
he knew, so therefor it took a special kind of person to become
friends with him. I'm sure all of his friends have some funny
story how they became friends with Eden. Mine is that I was
exactly like him - nitpicky and bragged how much I know. So
I picked up the gauntlet to take his arguments and we spent
hours trying to break eachother in "who knows most about
the least important thing in the world". That might have
ended in a verbal war between us, but instead we teamed up to
become the dynamic duo of useless information.
That's how our friendship started. And when he got a job up
here in Stockholm, but didn't have any place to live, he crashed
at my place for about 6 months. And during that period of trials
and tribulations we got to know each other so well and I look
back on those 6 months as some of the best of my life.
When
he did get his own place and moved out we had inevitably become
great friends. And if there was something he excelled at,
it was taking care of his friends. With him, you never had to
call and ask for help - he'd call you and offer his help! He
bent over
backwards to help his friends, sometimes at his own expense.
So there
is no doubt in my mind that I'm a better and happier person
today thanks to him, and it's with a smile on my face that I
think
about him and the time I got to spend with him, the incredible
original that he was. And noone can ever forget him because
he made an impression on everyone he met or talked to. Sometimes
good, sometimes not so good, but he always made a lasting impression.
The
most pleasing thought I'd heard during the past weeks when asking
"what is he doing now" is '" he's probably sitting
up there in heaven [or whatever you believe in] sharing a cold
one with Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry ". That thought
always brings a smile to my face.
And
I'd like to close this with something I end all my mails with
- a quote. This one from Star Trek II, said my Dr. McCoy:
"He's
not really dead. As long as we remember him."
THANK
YOU
Satuday,
March 16th
Can you say a funeral was "perfect"? How about "beautiful"?
Because that's what it was! Everyone involved pulled everything
off beatifuly, all practical problems were just solved, everything
worked. The music, the atmosphere, the colors, hell - even the
eulogy I managed to give was just beautiful. I'm sure Eden would
have found something wrong with it, but as far as I know the
only thing missing was just that - him. And then small touches,
like people putting their communicators down instead of flowers,
a small military salute... wow, and I was thinking of not attending...
I'd
like to thank everyone who turned up! I was afraid not many
would, but I was wrong. A special thanx to everyone in uniforms,
I know Eden would've loved that. Credits go off to Ricki
for keeping the entire thing together, Nic for musical recomendations,
Eva for emotional support, Paramount for letting us use the
copyrighted Starfleet logo, my father for letting me have the
car and thereby solving so many practical problems..
It was really nice to feel the support everyone offered through
this tragedy.
Well,
let's keep on Trekkin people!
Thursday,
March 14th
Last minute preperations... here goes... if you wanna make a
surprise appearence, here's
some info about the service.
Sunday,
March 10th
Wanna hear a bad joke? "What is the one event you don't
want a front-row seat to?" - "A funeral".
I've found that the best way to deal with this is humor. Anyway,
somehow I wound up as the person responsible for giving a eulogy
for my friends funeral. Is that heavy or what, and not in a
good way!
Tuesday,
March 5th
Damn I hate funerals. I've been to four of them, and they have
all pretty much sucked. I guess it's because I'm just such a
positive, optimistic happy guy that I just can't take 50 or
so people being that depressed and sad. And I have another one
coming up next week. But as oppose to the other ones, this is
someone who was really, really close to me. So I'll be working
all week trying to work up strength and courage to go there
and get through it.
But
on an optimistic note - guess who won... no, that's not it...
kicked ass?... no, not that either... DOMINATED the first Grand
prix of the year? Ferrari baby, yeah! Over a second faster
in training sessions, took pole with 0.4 seconds and even after
one of them created some havoc and the other one slipping down
to 4th by the first curve, they still came out on top with some
20 seconds to spare. And the best part of it - it was all done
using last year's cars!!
Sunday,
March 3rd
As promised, here is a page
explaining how I'd want my funeral to be like, as well as some
notes about "who gets what".
Don't think I'm suicidal or anything, it's just that I don't
want anyone to have to go through what we've gone through in
the last week. So to spare some practical problems, here
are my wishes.
(yes, I know I should print and sign it to make it legally binding,
but I'm trusting everyone will get along without contesting
anything)
Saturday,
March 2nd
Yesterday I was emotionally exhausted! All this planning and
talking is just exhausting. And today I'm physically exhausted.
But that's what you get when you're up till 4.30 am to watch
the F1 qualifying. That was an attempt at resuming normal life
again.
Semi-succeeded. I think I've tried every therapy there is. Except
the one that takes two.
If
I work really hard to find some positive thing, it's gotta be
that now I have to plan my own funeral because I don't wish
anyone to have to go through what we have. So when I'm back
to normal I'll start writing all things down, what I want my
funeral to be like. Just in case I'd be hit by a truck or something...
(and no, I'm not suicidal!)
Thursday,
February 28th
Try and remember your weirdest dream, the one where nothing
made sense and just weirded you out that you're imagination
is that weird. Well that's the feeling I got today when I was
sitting in an office planning my best friends funeral. Totally
surreal and bisarre. That's not the way it's suppose to be!
I'm the one always joking about not living past 60!
Now
try and remember the most awkward moment, the one when you just
didn't know what to do and what to say. Then try to imagine
coming up with anything to say to this very sweet couple who
just lost their only child!
Am
I being too egoistic here?
Wednesday,
February 27th
My best friend is gone. The shock has subsided. I've accepted
it. Now I'm just waiting for the real shock when I realise I
haven't heard his voice in a while, seen his face, when I haven't
exchanged any new Star Trek jokes, when the next "Enterprise"
episode airs and I'll have to watch it alone... that's when
I'm expecting the second wave... now begins the unavoidable
aftermath and trying to pick up the pieces. We'll see how that
goes. But for now, the small step has been to accept it and
regain some emotional equilibrium (I just threw that one in
because my mother complained I couldn't spell, and that's a
hard word to spell!). Let's see how it goes to go back to work.
I've already tried once, didn't get very far.
And
just to make something very clear - the countdown I've been
having for the past two months have been for the Australian
Grand Prix, the opening of the F1 2002 season. As if that has
any importance anymore.
My
best friend is gone. I've accepted it now. Even though I can't
make any sense of it.
Tuesday,
February 26th
How tha fuck do you deal with this kind of thing? I'm doing
my best trying to be optimistic, and then trying to think of
all the good times I had with my friend, but every time I'm
hit with the thought about all the good times we never had...
like another friends wedding this summer, that was gonna be
a blast... shit... I know you're not suppose to feel this way,
but I keep on feeling guilty for all things I didn't do, for
all times I wasn't with him because I was too busy doing my
own thing. and then I realise how fucking egoistic that is...
but.. fuck, my best friend is gone... it feels so surreal, I
spoke with him on sunday evening, and now he's gone.
Nothing more I can say to him. Nothing more I can do with him,
no more beer, no more watching "Star Trek" every week,
no more...
It's
so fucking sad loosing someone you know so well and you're on
the same wave-length... we could just go on laughing for hours
about something weird, or be in a room and one would say "you're
all different" and the other one would reply "I'm
not".. we knew each other so well and could finish each
others sentences... no more of that..
my
best friend is dead...
One
of the worst days of my life
Today I got one of the worst calls a person can receive...
one of my best friends is dead...
one
of my best friends is dead...
one
of my best friends is dead...
one
of my best friends is dead...
one
of my best friends is dead...
...
???? !!!!!
....
one of my best friends is dead........
Monday,
February 25th
Payday in Sweden. For most people anyway. Unless you didn't
know, we only get paid once a month in sweden, and most people
get it on the 25th (although that depends on the company you're
working for).
Anyway,
I got a real "heard of them first and got the T-shirt to
prove it"-story. Guess who's topping the charts here in
Stockholm and who is played constantly on the radio and European
MTV?... check my update on December 30th :)
5
days to go!
Sunday,
February 24th
Things worked out even better for the ladies than I had hoped
- the hockey-chicks got bronze and then Anja got the silver.
So that makes the score "Women 5 - Guys 1". But I
stopped caring after the hockey game... haha :) Still laughing
at that game! :)
Less
than week to go!!!
Thursday,
February 21st
LOL! A BIG LOUD LAUGH AND A GOOD SMILE! I'm ofcourse talking
about the hockey fiasco yesterday. Actually I guess I should
say - THE OLYMPIC FIASCO DURING THE PAST TWO WEEKS!
Before
the Olympics started, most people said "we'll win 10 medals,
easily!". I wasn't one of them. Then everyone kept talking
how great Per Elofsson and Magda was and how they'd rule, and
the swedish hockey team! We had all the NHL stars and everything
was going our way. But it just wasn't our Olympic game.
And
do you know who I blame for getting me disappointed? The hockeyplayers
for doing their best on a bad day? Salo, the goalie who made
one mistake and one slip? NO! THE PRESS. THE MEDIA! The
so called experts! Haha on them, they were all frigging wrong!
I don't think they should demand anyone to resign, if anyone
should it should be them! If they hadn't been experting all
over pumping up the hopes for swedish medals I wouldn't be disappointed
now!
But
as always - LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE! Swedish has 4 medals right
now. One silver belonging to a no-name (actually his nams is
Rickard Rickardsson, no joke!), but still, noone expected the
snowboarders to get a medal. (again, the experts should resign!)
But the greatest thing is - the three bronzes all came from
chicks! 3/4 medals are thanx to women. Let's just hope the swedish
female hockey team can take home the glory of the bronze medal
and it'll be "Women 4 - Guys 1". Haha, I was laughing
all the way to work this morning, Belarus (or however they spell
it), they had one NHL star and unfortunately the better goalie...
I just love an underdog!
One
week and one day left....
Tuesday,
February 19th
Inspired by Kevin Smith's bashing of Spears, I've written
another one of my "Kristoffer's
thoughts on..."
Just
over a week left now...
Wednesday,
February 13th
Ok, so perhaps I was a bit too harsh about the Olympic opening.
Sure there were good things, like Leann Rimes and ofcourse a
person who holds a very special place in any "South Park"-fan's
heart - Brian Boitano!
So far, the show's been a bit of a let-down, but that's probably
because the hockey hasn't really begun yet!
On a completely different note, remember how much I dislike
the modern music industry? Well, it seems my idol and role model
Kevin Smith totally agrees with me. (or perhaps it's the other
way around?). I read a recently published article he wrote about
how much he dislikes Britney Spears. And his conclusion was...
obvious! ("People are into Britney Spears because they want
to fuck Britney Spears")
But although it was obvious, it still takes a man like Kevin
to actually say it and to make it sound good! Check
out his articles here.
Two weeks and three days to go....
Saturday,
February 9th
So what did you think about the opening ceremony to the Olympics?
I'm not sure I really wanna do this... yeah, I do:
Let's
compare it to the Australian (which isn't fair since their's
was (to quote a popular song right now) - absolutely flawless!)
When
choosing who's gonna light the fire, do you either pay homage
and respect to a people you've opressed for centuries (like
the Aussies did by having Cathy Freeman light it) or do you
show off a bunch of US Olympic winners skating and walking around
finally handing the torch over to a bunch of hockeyplayers saying
"these are the guys that won our only Olympic gold in hockey"?
That's kinda sad considering what a great hockey nation they
are!
I
really wanna rip in to the opening part with the US flag and
president... but I won't out of respect for Sept. 11th. But
where it ended was when the chief organizer in his speech wanted
the children to grow up in a country that wanted peace and respected
the human rights. Well, "peace" isn't the first thing
that comes to mind when thinking about the States. And ask Amnesty
just how much they like the US government. Hell, even the US
president is a huge supporter of killing his own citizens. And
speaking of children and human rights, have the US signed that
UN resolution about children's rights yet? Last I heard they
were oposed it because it prohibited the existence of minors
in the army.
And
what was with having everything told in French first then in
english? That better be an Olympic custom I'm not aware of,
'cause otherwise I'm gonna have to use my favorite word at the
moment - "pretencious". Btw, the concept of introducing
things like that is a little rip-off from the Swedish intro
to the European Song Contest 2000.
Speaking
of rip-offs - that cute little girl in red that grew up to be
a cute little figure-skater, constantly dressed in a screaming
red while the people around her wore black and white, that kinda
reminds me of a movie that had a cute little girl in red that
ran around in a black and white environment. Yeah, "Schindler's
List" during the Nazi's killing of Jews in the ghetto's.
And that girl ended up dead. Thanx for reminding me.
Another
rip-off - at the end they played Beethoven's 9th, my favorite.
Remind you of another Olympic opening?... yeah, "Nagano"!
But
comparing it to the Australian isn't fair for one more reason
- they had a huge stadium. And what was this, a little hockey
arena?
Seriously, I expected a lot more show from the American's and
had hoped for a lot less patriotism. Was disappointed on both
accounts.
3
weeks to go. (and no, I'm not counting down to the end of the
Olympics)
Sunday,
February 3rd
I recently saw an interview with Billy Joel. I haven't really
been a big fan of his, he's done some pretty good songs over
the years, but I like him more after this interview! First of
all, he totally shares my opinion that the music industry is
on an express elevator to hell as far as MUSIC is concerned,
although the shows might be better now than they were 20 years
ago, the music sure ain't!
But
what I really liked was his reply to the question "are
you happy?" - "happiness is an extreme, so you can't
really be happy for an extended amount of time. But I believe
being 'content' is underestimated". Damn right dude!
(that's not an exact quote, I wasn't recording it but that was
essentially the point)
Btw,
Sweden is (AGAIN!) the European champions in handboll. Joy!
Anyways,
less than 4 weeks to go...
Thursday,
January 31st
Time for a little happier update : Tone Bekkestad. Tone
is a Norwegian metrologist on Swedish TV4. And she always makes
me smile! Not only because she's a beautiful woman, but because
it's something so bizarre hearing a norwegian-speaking person
talking Swedish geography and weather! Something bizarre, yet
funny, about that! So by all means, carry on...
Monday,
January 28th
Today is a day of mourning :( One of the greatest writers ever
passed away today. Astrid Lindgren... damn.... damn... don't
really know what to say about it..
She
inspired so many people. She gave us all hope. She made things
seem so much better. There's just no words to describe how I
feel about her work, her books and children stories that I was
brought up with. And not only me, the generation before as well
as the one after me. She will be grately missed and I hope,
if there is a heaven or a better place after death, she'll run
it. Cause no one ever made me feel as ... as much as she did.
I'm not an emotional person, but reading through "Mio min
Mio" is an emotional roller coaster.
She
will be missed by all. Except the Nobel foundation who missed
the window of opportunity to give her a Prize for her incredible
legacy! Shame on you!
Sunday,
January 27th
I got a new favorite word - "pretencious". Can't go
into any details since I'm working at a lawfirm and don't wanna
get sued for slander.
On
a totally different note - congrats to Thomas Johansson for
winning the Australien Open. Which btw is totally related to
my next statement:
Five
weeks to go...
Wednesday,
January 23rd
My sister (the one in Scotland) told me I should update more,
so I am.
"There's
nothing to report."
(quote from "Star Trek Deep Space Nine" when Odo is
forced to make a log)
Less
than 6 weeks to go...
Wednesday,
January 16th
I heard another dead-on, totally perfect quote today :
"I
don't love you because you're beautiful. You're beautiful because
I love you."
Now
who can argue with that? I have two examples which proves that
theory, and they are both named Maria. I'm not gonna bother
you with the sobby story about either of them, I'll just leave
you to wonder about the quote yourself.
(of course, with my luck with women if I'd ever apply that quote
the person on the receiving end would interpret it as "you
aren't really good looking, but I like you anyway", which
would be an insult... hm, loose-loose situation... kinda like
the pants which are always the perfect size and never makes
any part of the female body look too big!)
Saturday,
January 12th
The reason I haven't been updating is that I wanted to get
as many mails as possible about the recent events. And I've
gotten alot of them, most of which agree with me. For a while
there I was worried I'd gotten this entire relationship/love
thing all wrong, but most people seem to agree that I shouldn't
change or give up a part of my life just because a woman demands
it.
There
was however three good points made against me, one of which
from friends of mine!
The first one said that it was typically male to loose interest
in a woman once he'd gotten her in bed. I can't answer on behalf
of all the men in the world, but that is totally untrue, and
in this case, got me even more interested in this woman.
The second one said I shouldn't be surprised she was making
demands as if we were a steady couple already because I had
rushed things so much. Did we rush things? I don't know about
the rest of the world, but I don't think we rushed things that
much?!
And then a friend (you know who you are!) told me "Kris,
you spend too much time with your comp!" and suggested
I should not be sitting in front of my computer when she was
in the shower. Another (female) friend just said the same thing,
although she went one step further - "you should have gotten
into the shower with her!". In my defense, I know she didn't
want me to because she had locked the door. (although I didn't
know that at the time, I heard her unlocking it when she came
out, and I remember wondering why she locked it, I mean I had
already seen her naked...)
And
for those of you who are curious about "what happened then?"
- nothing. I haven't heard anything from her, and I'm not calling
since I still don't see were I went wrong. And she knows this
page exists (she read it on the sunday after our first date)
so I presume she knows how I feel about all this.
Anyway,
7 weeks to go....
Saturday,
January 5th
Well that was fun while it lasted. I'm now single again :)
The
story of a 7 day romance
A friend of mine set us up. He knew and what I liked in
a woman, and his girlfriend knew this girl so they set it up.
First date, Saturday : Nice romantic dinner in a little
quiet Italien restaurant. Everything went great. We had a really
good time and liked each other. But it didn't go all the way,
although I did accompany her home, but that was it. We did agree
to spend New Years Eve together so I called off my prior plans
to party with some friends.
Second date, Tuesday : We decided it was best to go home
to her since I can't cook and my place is a mess. Once again
a very nice romantic dinner followed, and then alot of talking,
watching fireworks, then proceeding to bed and afterwards continued
talking. (for once, I had no problem staying awake) Everything
was peachy.
Third-kinda date, Wednesday : This was "kinda"
third, but not really since it was just a continuation from
Tuesday. We eventually got out of bed and went into Stockholm
to see "Lord of the Rings". Three hours in a 10% full
cinema. Perhaps that's why I didn't like it, I was only semi-watching
it. We kissed off at the trainstation and agreed to spend this
weekend together. No specifics, just "weekend".
Fourth date, Friday : Little did I know "weekend"
meant comming home to my place at 8 on friday evening! I barely
had time to clean up my apartment. Anyway, I did manage to fix
a dinner and we sat in my soffa talking the night away while
watching "Friends" on DVD. That's when it started
going bad! She noticed my pictures of Jeri Ryan, Natalie
Portman and Helen Hunt on my wall, and she...
STOP!
"Don't tell me you left your pics of beautiful women hanging
on the wall!?" Indeed I did! First of all, she had a poster
of a semi-naked Marcus Shenkenberg (swedish modell) on her wall.
And B - she had a pic of a topless Brad Pitt as her background
on her computer. And finally, I didn't have time since she just
popped in unannounced.
Anyway,
she, based on those and some of my DVD's, thought I was a little
fixed on beautiful women. I tried to turn that around to a compliment,
no luck. Then we had a serious debate about it, but she still
wasn't totally convinced. Night proceeded great and I feel asleep
spooning her. Isn't that nice?
Fifth-kinda
date, Saturday : Again, it was a continuation so not really
"fifth". She got up earlier than me (big shock, huh?)
and started surfing around the web on my computer which is...
STOP!
"Don't tell me you left your computer on and logged in
giving her access to all files on your computers!?" I indeed
did. I didn't think she would surf around or check around my
local network. She did surf some, but didn't check around my
local network, so no worries there. And there's nothing on any
of my computers I can't defend having there!
So,
anyway!! My computer is constantly connected to the web, with
ICQ always running and my mailer checking mail once every minute
and I also have a "To-do-list" in the background.
As she was surfing she noticed I had a lot of bookmarks in my
browser pointing to Natalie Portman pages. And then she intercepted
a couple ICQ messages about NataliePortman.com and my swedish
Natalie site. And when my mailer get's a mail it kinda lites
up so she was curious what that flying bat was about and clicked
it and saw (yes, I believe this was unintentional!) some mails
about a new chat project on NataliePortman.com and another mail
about redoing an image-archive page.
She closed it down and when she closed it down my "To do
list" was just behind it and that was filled with NataliePortman.com
things. She went to shower and that's when I woke up, checked
my mail and started writing a couple of SHTML-pages on this
chat-project. That's when she came in here, saw what I was doing
and right away freaked how much work I actually put into these
pages and projects. "About 5-10 hours per week, depending
on how much there is to do" (sometimes more for special
projects). So again we had a debate that was going badly for
both of us, and when she was beginning to say "I'm not
comfortable having a boyfriend who spends this much time working
(non-profit) on a page dedicated to this girl, that you also
have a (signed) picture of on your wall and..."
That's when I stopped her because I saw exactly where she was
going and told her "Don't give me the ultimatum to give
up a part of my life, you'll loose. We haven't reached that
stage in our relationship yet!".
And
thus, I'm single again. So why am I writing this here, although
I've said once I'd not bother you guys with my romantical life?
Because I need your advice on this!
First
of all, if I was in a serious relationship I would on my own
free will give up this specific part of my life. For example,
I freely called off my 3-months old plans to spend New Years
with some friends and spend it with her! And I know that a big
part of a relationship is making compromises. And I'm all for
that, as a relationship goes on! Not after 7 days, that's just
too early for her to make demands like that. Isn't it ?
I
could ofcourse have saved this relationship by doing things
like taking down the pictures of women on my wall, limiting
the access on my computer when I'm not here, and say "sorry,
you're right, I'll mail the guys at NP.com and tell them I quit".
I could have done that. But then it wouldn't be me! She wouldn't
be dating me anymore! She would be dating another Kris, the
Kris who's already showed her who's the boss and constantly
worry about offending his new girlfriend.
So
what do you think? Am I stupid for not changing the way I am
to please a woman I've just started dating? Does she have the
right to demand that of me already? Am I just idiotic and immature
for still having beautiful pictures of women on my wall? (another
comment on those pictures - they are beautiful and stylish,
not at all sexy!)
And was she fair starting this discussion when she just got
out of the shower only wearing a towel when she knows this is
a turn-on for me?!
I
just want to make this last point very clear - I did not give
this woman up for any fantasy or obsession involving Natalie
Portman! She could have asked me to give up Formula 1, same
result. She could have asked me to give up "Star Trek",
wearing black or singing in the shower, it would have ended
the same way.
Please
send in any comments or advice you may have on this, I could
really use it!
Tuesday,
January 1st 2002
Ok, that will take time to adapt - 2002 :) I'm not going into
details about yesterday, I'll just say it was the best possible
way to start 2002. Let's hope all airplanes can stay in the
air this year :(
I
saw "Lord of the Rings" today. I've never read the
books, I've been totally ignorant to the world of Tolkien. So
I had no expectations whatsoever. The movie is visually great!
Borderlining "stunning", but not quite there. Beautiful
landscapes, nice CGI army and a great cast (for once I actually
liked Liv Tyler in a movie!), nice fighting scenes. But the
story was way too slow for me. And I've never really liked the
land of fantasy that much (with the exception of "Mio,
min Mio").
I'll
have no trouble waiting for the next one. But I'm cracking of
anticipation for SW Episode II !
Monday,
December 31st
One last quick update -
HAPPY
NEW YEAR !
Btw,
those of you wondering about me wishing "those down in
Australie (or thereabouts)" a happy new year yesterday
- I remember the new year 99-00, I had just gotten out of bed
and turned on the TV and saw them celebrating the new year down
there a full 9 hours ahead of us! That's why I wished them a
happy new year since I knew I wouldn't be able to do an update
before 3 p.m today.
Anyway,
I'm out of here!
Sunday,
December 30th
I went on a date yesterday. Haven't done that in a while (June
I think!), fortunately they haven't changed much about dating.
But I won't get into too many details 'cause she's watching
this page :) But it looks like I, for third time in a row, will
spend New Years Eve in the company of a nice woman.
Anyway,
I was flipping through channels today (like I always do) and
saw a video by this girl 'Shakira'. Song was called "Whenever,
Where ever". At first I thought "oh no, not another
Spears / Aguilera / Jessica Simpson / Billy clone. But I liked
the music, and the rythm. And the video, nice hip-movements
there girl. And then one part of the lyric just made me bend
over and laugh my ass of :
"Lucky
that my breasts are small and humble - So you don't confuse
them with mountains."
Yeah,
baby, me like! (meaning I like the lyric, I don't have any preferences
in breast-size whatsoever. And for those of you saying "yeah,
right!" - I just declined an offer to do the official Anna
Nicole Smith website!)
( ofcourse that decision was based on totally different criterias,
one of which is "time", I'm still trying to get the
Swedish Natalie Portman Site finished! )
I'll
try to get an update up tomorrow before I leave for the dinner,
but for those down in Australia (or thereabouts) - HAPPY
NEW YEAR!
